Why do people compare themselves to other people? In the end everybody has their own reality, so why would someone else's reality have any relevance to one's own way of seeing things? Somehow it seems quite a common thing to do, to compare myself to the other person. And of course, then feel bad about not having/doing something the other person has/does. What if I just would realize there is a) no sense in comparing myself to anyone as everyone has their own dreams, which are made to come true - no matter what, and; b) it will not benefit anyone: not you, not me. Just making things worse. The need to belong, to "be something"... 's a terrifying force. Release me.
Why are people so afraid of opening their hearts to the fellow(wo)men even if they just met? Why do people get scared of touching, of talking freely.. of having no limits in their wise actions. Do we always need the secure feeling that everything is like before, that nothing is going to change. That everything will be quite OK. Is it OK though if I talk to you freely and you will not withdraw or start having negative feelings towards me? Sometimes it feels - when talking about STUFF - the other person gets angry at the person speaking - me - instead of the actual topic. I do not equals the topic. Let's talk about stuff and disagree.. and then have the greates time of our life aftewards, shall we :)
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Hei moi, miten blogin kirjottajaan saa otettua yhteyttä? :)
VastaaPoistaÖmmmm naamakirjasta ehkäpä pienen saatteen kera :)
VastaaPoistaSorry for being a month late :( I did read your posts on time, but my thoughts was focusing on other matters and I didn't feel ready to give my opinions on these questions.
VastaaPoistaI think what you've found are two common dysfunctions in society (I once thought such dysfunctions would be less common in a free and wealthy society...)
I'm no psychologist, but one explanation I find plausible is that, dysfunction is usually a result of trauma, especially childhood trauma.
Following that explanation, the anxiety of comparison comes from the traumatic experience of being punished by the adults (who back then were the equivalence of gods) for not being "as good as the others". And the horror and stress of losing the favor of the adults(gods) opened a permanent wound in a tender and helpless soul.
So when people are trying their best to become "as good as the others", they are just trying to release themselves from the trauma, which will never go away without rational confrontation and proper treatment.
Relating dysfunction to trauma is helpful, if not always accurate. Children being abused would most likely become abusive adults. That's the way they "manage" their ever-echoing horror and stress: by inflicting it upon others.
The same can be said about the second dysfunction. People are afraid of saying things freely because they have been punished for doing so, and are afraid of being punished again.
On the other hand, words cannot hurt unless they invoke the pain that is already there. It's not the words that are offensive, people just get upset when reminded something they don't want to think about.
Some very plausible reasoning Alard. People would just have to acknowledge these facts and then start the healing process. Life would be so much easier without any of this superficial static, which is related to these dysfunctions.
VastaaPoistaWho would now anymore punish us for speaking about anything? It's weird notion to me that there actually are some topics that people "don't want to think about". What is so wrong about thinking - regardless of the topic? Self-esteem or the lack of it is something that comes to my mind.. Words _cannot_ hurt. Period. Debate - well, people tend to take arguments as attacks on their personalities, if the topic is something they relate to. Let topics be topics and persons be persons.
Thanks Alard for your insight, I appreciate it considerably! Have you ever considered a psychologist's career (here in Finland)? :)
Best regards
Junnu