Sometimes I feel like there's just too much stuff going on in some particular moments of my life. It's as if all those things pile up and converge on a specific day or days. Especially emotional stress can get overwhelming from time to time. I think everything would be relatively OK without the need to earn money, which requires the shutting down of emotions and mental stillness for 8 hours just to be able to earn a buck. And I need these things to process my shit together. This is where the music comes in. It gives relief; although I might not be able to shout out loud at work, I might just tune in to the mood of the music and do funny faces :). So, this is what I would shout and scream and sing to an entity called "overwhelming life situations" (the build-up around 3 minutes is just what I need):
You tell me I can't slow down
You tell me where I've gotta be
I speed into the darkness
But I swear that I can't see a thing in front of me
You know it's true
I'm not driving anymore
I can't keep up with you
You're closing in behind me
I've got headlights in my eyes
Don't you get too close to me
Can't you see that we'll collide and end up casualties
There's just no room
I'm not driving anymore
I can't keep up with you
So leave me on my own
Run me down and race away from me
I've got nowhere to go to
I don't think I can get back on my feet, back on my feet
You came right out of nowhere
Eyes wide and terrified
And I can't put my brakes on
I can't swerve to save your life cause then I'll lose control
And I can't choose
I'm not driving anymore
I can't keep up with you
So leave me on my own
Run me down and race away from me
I've got nowhere to go to
I don't think I can get back on my feet, back on my feet
Get me out of harm's way
Can't you see I'm paralyzed
I wanna fade out gracefully
But you keep keeping me alive to face another day
Can't you see I'm through
I'm not driving anymore, I can't keep up with you, can't keep away
Tell me how long have I got, I wanna to end this earthly toil -'Till this
diet life expires
I wanna go swimming in the soil and not come up for breath - Sit in God's
room
I'm not driving anymore - I can't keep up with you
I'm unfit for consumption
I don't know how to play my part
I swear I'm alone in this thing, I'm a blind man driving my car
Into oblivion, let it come soon, I'm not driving anymore
I can't keep up with you
tiistai 23. marraskuuta 2010
sunnuntai 21. marraskuuta 2010
Aah, much better
I read of spiritual catharsis and bumped into how laughing and crying are the first steps in this process. Well, I felt like for a Sunday cry.
Starting with the Assembly 2007 demo "Lifeforce" by ASD (can be found from e.g. youtube), then listening to Evanescence's "Hello", and finally, the total crackdown for me, Evanescence's "My Immortal". Fuck, it felt good! On My Immortal on the second chorus I lost it. Couldn't stop crying until the end of the song. I'm writing this in the afterglow. I feel light, relieved and very good. I should definitely do this more often.
Ei minulla muuta.
Starting with the Assembly 2007 demo "Lifeforce" by ASD (can be found from e.g. youtube), then listening to Evanescence's "Hello", and finally, the total crackdown for me, Evanescence's "My Immortal". Fuck, it felt good! On My Immortal on the second chorus I lost it. Couldn't stop crying until the end of the song. I'm writing this in the afterglow. I feel light, relieved and very good. I should definitely do this more often.
Ei minulla muuta.
torstai 18. marraskuuta 2010
The three essentials
Simple things. Did striving towards more money ever lead to happiness for you? For me it has not. Sure, it has enhanced in many ways the situations where I have been involved. However, the money only enhanced the moment, which already was fun. If the situation had been shitty and you'd feel down, the bills in your wallet or the value of your stocks in your account didn't make any difference, now did it? What was the real cause for my happiness? In most cases, I'd say it was the people and how I felt connecting with them.
I hereby declare the three most important things you can do in your life: 1) take care of yourself in every way, 2) take care of your friends and loved ones, and appreciate all people to the extent you want, and 3) take care of your environment, it's our common heritage and we live in symbiosis with it (although last 300 years or so we have been more or less parasites or viruses in this regard). So what's new? Nothing. Heard it many times. But did you ever think what these declarations really mean? 1) to me means to take care of yourself physically and mentally, by developing on these fronts as much as possible. Be extremely curious and do all the things your heart desires! Eat good and healthy food. Learn about things. 2) is important, because it seems it is the most prominent way of making the world better for everyone: you get happier when you smile a lot, talk important stuff and nonsense, laugh, hug, kiss and feel. The other people too feel better and it spreads around. 3), because it is quite frankly the proper thing to do. What would we humans be without nature in all its might? It's a reciprocal relationship.
So there you go. Be on par in these aspects and you will start truly be happy, always!
I hereby declare the three most important things you can do in your life: 1) take care of yourself in every way, 2) take care of your friends and loved ones, and appreciate all people to the extent you want, and 3) take care of your environment, it's our common heritage and we live in symbiosis with it (although last 300 years or so we have been more or less parasites or viruses in this regard). So what's new? Nothing. Heard it many times. But did you ever think what these declarations really mean? 1) to me means to take care of yourself physically and mentally, by developing on these fronts as much as possible. Be extremely curious and do all the things your heart desires! Eat good and healthy food. Learn about things. 2) is important, because it seems it is the most prominent way of making the world better for everyone: you get happier when you smile a lot, talk important stuff and nonsense, laugh, hug, kiss and feel. The other people too feel better and it spreads around. 3), because it is quite frankly the proper thing to do. What would we humans be without nature in all its might? It's a reciprocal relationship.
So there you go. Be on par in these aspects and you will start truly be happy, always!
torstai 11. marraskuuta 2010
Can you find true happiness from something external?
Shiiiiiiii
It just occurred to me today. Made me feel both anxious and relieved. Mostly anxious.
Think about it. If you eliminate all the externalities in your life, what is it really that remains? By externalities I mean everything that are outside of your body, soul and mind - be it your family, girl/boyfriend, career, money, belongings, hobbies, people, etc.
One might now ask, why would the externalities need to be eliminated anyways? My answer: because "the only constant is change", meaning in this case that all the things that have no origin from within you can be as easily wiped out from your life as they were introduced in to it in the first place. In my opinion, this results in searching for the motivation to keep on living from within, because one can't trust anything external would be permanent and give the "power" to keep on living a meaningful life in your mind. The problem of this search is that if one has been living 27 years always having some goal, some external thing to concentrate on and not needing to think of what is the real motivation for living, it can be really hard to suddenly come up with something meaningful that is perfectly harmonious with your inner self. The motivation that comes from within.
In a way I understand people settling for the "ordinary stuff" such as family, job, etc. because it is the way which is obvious and common. "Why not do it because everyone else is doing it". Then some of these end up unfortunately to the situation, where all this external vanishes. Then it is either a deep depression or deep exploration of oneself. The point is that sooner or later (not for everyone though) this has to be faced by each and everyone, if one's happiness is based on something external.
I was doing some Krav Maga today. I didn't have to think anything, just do the thing I reaally like. In a way I think by doing things one likes, people try to reach the same (mild) meditative state than what is attainable with actual meditation. The state, where you just are. No past, no future - just the present. This is the point in being mindful and present. But the controversy here is that one needs this external thing (e.g. hobby) to reach the meditative state. Either that or one should just meditate all year along. And die of starvation, since no money means no food on the table. So it seems we are forced to seek our happiness from external stuff instead of internal stuff. Is the purpose of life then to do the things you like? :) Sounds quite reasonable. OK. So maybe life is good when you get to do the stuff you like - every now and then it may fuck up your mind because it does not any more give you happiness, but I guess it is the price we have to pay to be happy even for a while?
At the moment it seems all I am doing is drift from day to another without bigger plans. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life now more than ever! But thinking this kind of stuff can really fuck up my mind. This thing occurred to me as I was thinking the future: I'm going to graduate. Maybe this is some quarter-life crisis :). But now it seems as if it is either I work my ass off for the rest of my life or then I take another attitude to it. Kinda a situation where I need to fill the void that is created when the studies are completed. I don't see the worklife as the filler of this void. I want to find something from within to fill the void. I just need some guidance on this one.
On the other hand, no purpose in life gives me a notion of being able to do whatever I want. Even though this should be evident without this notion, it isn't. It's the 27 years of conditioning. Maybe I should just concentrate living day by day, not thinking of the future or past that much, quite as Eckhart Tolle recommends in his book The Power of Now. If the answer to the motivation of life is to just be present, I really need a complete shift in the way I think of world. I mean, financial security is one big and dull issue, which prevents me (I guess) from living totally present. I try to, though.
It just occurred to me today. Made me feel both anxious and relieved. Mostly anxious.
Think about it. If you eliminate all the externalities in your life, what is it really that remains? By externalities I mean everything that are outside of your body, soul and mind - be it your family, girl/boyfriend, career, money, belongings, hobbies, people, etc.
One might now ask, why would the externalities need to be eliminated anyways? My answer: because "the only constant is change", meaning in this case that all the things that have no origin from within you can be as easily wiped out from your life as they were introduced in to it in the first place. In my opinion, this results in searching for the motivation to keep on living from within, because one can't trust anything external would be permanent and give the "power" to keep on living a meaningful life in your mind. The problem of this search is that if one has been living 27 years always having some goal, some external thing to concentrate on and not needing to think of what is the real motivation for living, it can be really hard to suddenly come up with something meaningful that is perfectly harmonious with your inner self. The motivation that comes from within.
In a way I understand people settling for the "ordinary stuff" such as family, job, etc. because it is the way which is obvious and common. "Why not do it because everyone else is doing it". Then some of these end up unfortunately to the situation, where all this external vanishes. Then it is either a deep depression or deep exploration of oneself. The point is that sooner or later (not for everyone though) this has to be faced by each and everyone, if one's happiness is based on something external.
I was doing some Krav Maga today. I didn't have to think anything, just do the thing I reaally like. In a way I think by doing things one likes, people try to reach the same (mild) meditative state than what is attainable with actual meditation. The state, where you just are. No past, no future - just the present. This is the point in being mindful and present. But the controversy here is that one needs this external thing (e.g. hobby) to reach the meditative state. Either that or one should just meditate all year along. And die of starvation, since no money means no food on the table. So it seems we are forced to seek our happiness from external stuff instead of internal stuff. Is the purpose of life then to do the things you like? :) Sounds quite reasonable. OK. So maybe life is good when you get to do the stuff you like - every now and then it may fuck up your mind because it does not any more give you happiness, but I guess it is the price we have to pay to be happy even for a while?
At the moment it seems all I am doing is drift from day to another without bigger plans. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life now more than ever! But thinking this kind of stuff can really fuck up my mind. This thing occurred to me as I was thinking the future: I'm going to graduate. Maybe this is some quarter-life crisis :). But now it seems as if it is either I work my ass off for the rest of my life or then I take another attitude to it. Kinda a situation where I need to fill the void that is created when the studies are completed. I don't see the worklife as the filler of this void. I want to find something from within to fill the void. I just need some guidance on this one.
On the other hand, no purpose in life gives me a notion of being able to do whatever I want. Even though this should be evident without this notion, it isn't. It's the 27 years of conditioning. Maybe I should just concentrate living day by day, not thinking of the future or past that much, quite as Eckhart Tolle recommends in his book The Power of Now. If the answer to the motivation of life is to just be present, I really need a complete shift in the way I think of world. I mean, financial security is one big and dull issue, which prevents me (I guess) from living totally present. I try to, though.
tiistai 9. marraskuuta 2010
Mental climate of Barca
It's funny how the climate of a country can affect so much the population. More so from the mental perspective. In Barcelona people - regardless of age - were holding each other's hand when walking, hugging, kissing and just laying in the parks with one's head in another's lap. Old people, younger people.. The Sunday afternoon dancing session in a pavillion was filled with such latino passion, beauty and joy... and the women are absolutely stunning! Don't know how hard it would be to live them, because the beautiness must come with some trade-offs :). That's why the men probably are quite macho there.. because they must be the men they are expected to be. Which in a way is good, but in a way bad thing: the girl gets proper treating in every sense, but in the end it might be artificial since the man has to play by her "rules". The women seemed to be respected by the men more there than in Finland. Women, reciprocally, would then be as lovely as they were. But the fact the the men have to "show-off", if you ask me, fucks up the whole situation in the end. Nevertheless, the women dress up in a way that would be considered as TaiK, or artist-style :P. Which I think is good since it is always original and shows the woman has given some thoughts to how she would look. Sounds a bit chauvinistic, but I can't deny saying that I as a man enjoy this kind of aesthetics :). The ppl in general seemed to be so present in whatever they were engaged in.. sometimes screaming, sometimes playing models in the public with their friends, smiling and shouting "viva papa" (yeh, the pope was visiting there). The atmosphere was so very different compared to the Finnish one.. I'm not just saying this, I mean Finnish culture has its good sides as well.. but the complete approach, the way to look at life is so much relaxed and happier under the bright sun than here in the cold north that it feels sometimes it is unfair for us Finns having to bear this climate, where alcohol replaces the warm arms of the dear people.
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| Lähettäjä Barcelona, Espanja, 4-8.11.2010 |
maanantai 1. marraskuuta 2010
Plastered every now and then is good for ya!
I humbly and deeply bow in gratitude towards my friends. As last weekend proved, getting plastered every now and then is so unbelievably good thing to do.. especially when I am surrounded by good people, who really give dam about their friends. On both nights I felt unbelievable closeness to the people I spent time with.. Both Friday and Saturday was filled with laughter and love. I mean, what the fuck more could any man ever want (when the animal-viewpoint is not considered ;) )?
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