I haven’t written that much to my blog recently. Maybe it is because I haven’t just had the feeling for writing. It seems that travelling inspires me in some ways, since I have been getting these thoughts in my head during the past two weeks or so..
Not only have I thought about the motivation for travelling, which is a topic well worth of hundreds of pages of text, but more importantly I have tried to figure out my life. Especially the decisions that I have made in the past. Now, I also acknowledge thinking about the past does not make any difference and it is best to live the moment. Sometimes the subconscious just takes control over me and I have these thoughts, which stop me. I might stop in the middle of exploring a museum, or while smoking shisha and having a good time with my fellow travellers. The point being, I have been feeling blue more than usually.
My thoughts have sailed on about why I have decided to do things the way I did. To forfeit a potentially very good intimate relationship and to travel a lot, instead of working or otherwise obeying the norms of the current society. What if.
I experience so much beauty, so much of amazing experiences during my travels… it feels sometimes I would like to share these experiences with someone, with whom I can relate at the deepest level. To show this person how much there is in this world to wonder, how much to appreciate. Don’t get me wrong, I myself get so much out of all this by myself, eating all the great stuff and feeling the vibe of a specific place. Still, we are human. We want to be social. We want to be healthy, have good friendships and good relations with our family members. We want to share what we find subjectively to be meaningful. Maybe I’m getting old and I feel like sharing this stuff with someone, instead of getting hammered with "people with no faces". Oh well, the grass is always greener on the other side. Umm..not. Or.. There should be no distinction between this and the other side. It'’s always good no matter what. It'’s all in our heads.
Maybe it all boils down into me not knowing what I really want. Today I discussed this topic with a Finnish girl and originally Swedish guy. I mean, I know I want to be happy, of course. But: on the other hand I don'’t want to know what I want, because it would then set me on to thinking in a certain way, doing certain things, in a routine manner. I would establish myself to a bound perspective. Then again, if knowing what I want would make me confident enough to accept what is and not think what could be, it would be good in that way. Maybe I fear of getting stuck. I’'m restless? At the moment I am feeling happy but also wistful considering the past. I feel something might be missing. And still, everything is quite OK just now..
I know definitely what I want in the short term. Also, this is true for the long term. But is is the means to get to those long term objectives that are a question mark. I do not feel like following the ordinary path. Choosing this appears to be a “road to hell” (yeah I listened to it today three times, all from different performers), since it makes one in a way an outcast. I don’t mind that per se, but I hope that I could find some people who would understand me in this aspect, and respond to my calling, my yearning to be something special.. and still something so very ordinary.
Do I regret my past? Mostly no. The decisions I made were perfect at that time. It is me whose views on what is perfect have changed. We as people always want to do what feels right at any given moment. I said mostly no, because of these recent moments of blueness, which could be interpreted as regretting. But as was said, the now is perfect as it is.
I do not want to lie anymore, I have had enough of it. It does nothing but harm one'’s own soul and make other people feel bad. I am sick of it. I want to stick to the truth and tell people how much there is in this world that is worthwhile. All people are so beautiful in their own way… and everyone as much worth loving as someone else.. I cannot believe I missed this point at some point. We all make mistakes and are not perfect. Here’'s where forgiveness and looking deep inside comes into play. To really see the deepest feelings instead of the surface, both in yourself and the other people. I feel I made some bad moves in the past, but I can only wish all the best for the future in each and everyone'’s lives. I hope we all find the true beauty of this world, and that we all will be forgiving towards each other, but mostly on ourselves. Living is the way of the dragon.
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I was just browsing/surfing and googling through web and got to your blog... I ended up reading your last two posts..and would like to comment here on one thing if you dont mind. So here goes...
VastaaPoistaI think it is good to bring up that in my opinion You sound like a philosopher and I find myself to be more like a psychologist-type person so you may not get what Im trying to say, but i guess its all good anyway.
These kind of deep&open "conversation" blogs are getting more daylight nowadays, which is good. You seem to be quite a happy person, in a way that you have probably had no big problems in past or present. why do I think this way? Because you are pondering on problems that can not be compared to problems of people not as lucky as you. I wanted to bring this up because if you are feeling blue over choices that probably have affected your social life (which i guess, aint too bad) or your education then that is like splitting hairs...in the sense that these kind of things should not make us feel bad, because to my knowledge these are the stuff and choices that almost everybody have to make and some people get stuck thinking about them.
If you compare these kind of so called problems to stuff that really affects people and their life in a way that really has an impact, then...well then it is completely a different story.
Im not trying to say that these kind of things dont matter, im just pointing out that when these are your biggest problems or the stuff that you find you are thinking about mostly then lets face it: your problems are minimal.
For the comparison:
"Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle."
Maybe something like this was your message also, but like i said i think you are more of a philosopher and Im more of a psychologist. Anyways nice to see that people are thinking about their lives, it just amuses me to see what people find worth of feeling blue.
"I’m always on the inside looking out, so it’s interesting to consider all the countless ways in which others perceive you." Quoted but could be from my mouth as well.
Thank you for the comment Anonyymi.
VastaaPoistaYes, I am more of a philosopher and a dreamer than a person who sticks to the reality. That is why I feel your comment is from one perspective offensive. My visions fly in the clouds seeking for the depictions of the emotions.. while you tell me what I should be feeling and thinking.
I bet there are a lot of people who find their broken fingernail or a spot in their shirt to be worthy of being blue about. This means, it all is so relative. But thank you for sharing us that you do not feel blue of the same things than I do. Fortunately (otherwise we'd not be human).
Anonyymi...Its nice to be noticed the right way - noname. Funny thing that you mentioned that me being offensive, because im mainly giving my perspective about the way you see the world. Im not saying how you should think or feel. BUT Im getting the feeling that it is you, who thinks that you know some universal truths about thinking and etc. And FYI you dont and neither do I.
VastaaPoistaPhilosophers love to ponder and then usually end up with the fact that everything is relative, which is of course true, but it is so trivial that it should not be a way to argument anything on that. It is almost like saying that a jump from the twenty second floor to a concrete will kill you, but then again so does a flue if you are in a very bad shape and unlucky... Trivial and not constructive. Since the conclusion: everything depends on everything -> relativity.
I could say here that some people may find your words insulting if they happen to be for example in hospital suffering from a bad disease that they have had since they were born. They would see your problems as minimal and irrelevant and you maybe even ignorant, dont you think? Of course i dont want to argument like this because this would not solve or back-up anything as it is trivial.
Just gave you another perspective and probably, if you have a bit psychologist in you, you realized that maybe some things are not worth feeling blue or just ask why do you have time or why have so much effort on these kind of things...just an opinion, not being offensive here. This was my purpose even though i was provoking, because well that is completely another story...lets just say that i support other ways of conversation than philosophers... :)
If I give the impression that I would have some universal truths ready, then I am deeply sorry for my inability to express myself, since I am only talking from a subjective viewpoint (my own, surprisingly). I have my own views and truths, which are valid only and only for me. Trying to generalize why I think the way I do is impossible; therefore it feels an effort in vain trying to understand why I feel the way I do. Hardly any human knows why he/she feels the way they do about some stuff.
VastaaPoistaIf someone was very sick, I would probably have the decency of not boasting them about my insignificant problems (compared to theirs). On the other hand, if they heard my story, they could think "oh, I've got a lot bigger problems, who does he think he is". In any case, the situation would remain the same: they would be terminally ill (or sumthin) and I would still feel bad about my insignificant stuff. It's not like people can control their emotions through rationality.
Even though the saying "everything is relative" is seen quite too many times, in this case I believe it is the proper thing to say. Just because some words are overused does not mean they can't/shouldn't be used in certain contexts.
And what comes to naming conventions... Yes, I believe one should represent oneself whether in real life or online, so I do not know how else to call you if you do not wish to reveal yourself :)
I feel like everyone is entitled to feel blue about anything they feel worthy of being blue about :) I guess I'm not a psychologist.. Each and everyone of us is different, so is our emotional responses and so on.. so I don't think we should name universal truths about how ppl should feel about specific things.
Well the comparison I made, was just to make a point, not to cause a scene about it even though it is possible.
VastaaPoistaI shall keep myself anomyous, its the era of youtube and facebook so.. People who read these kind of blogs might want to say something and i dont want to ruin my privacy. You do know that there are a lot of people who get offended easily by things other people say. My comments arent as lovable towards everybody as yours literally, and many people do not see the point between the lines and get stuck with the words that people use. I guess you catch my drift on this one?
Everybody is entitled to feel blue for whatever, i second to that. My point here merely was that writing stuff like this to a blog..was kind of a wierd to me... thats all. Why? Well because these kind of stuff is something everybody has to handle if not often then atleast sometimes in their life.
So I should not write about it then? Please define what I should write in to my blog.
VastaaPoistaOh c`mon dont be butt hurt just because i question peoples motives and so on. You know as well as I that there is no guide to things like this... And they are individual things. Again I just pointed out that i wouldnt, but it doesnt mean you shouldnt. I was just discussing this to learn to from people... I mean it is interesting what people find important and things worth opening up - in internet. Personally i try to be careful what i give out to other people.
VastaaPoistaAfter all it is the actions that define us not the nice words. This is excatly why i try not to speak out things that are nice and commonly recognized, but at the end of the day i cannot nor am i able to stand behind these words with my actions. I judge myself as a phoney or fake if i speak about the world peace and so on. Meaning that of course it is what most of us want (including me), but im not making big enough impact to better the situation (on my standards). And now when i think more clearly maybe thats the reason i got commenting on here. Im not saying my way of doing things is the right way. But having ideal and good thoughts doesnt make person better humanbeing wothout actions, at least not in my book. If for example the people who know me dont recognize that i strive to do good things then kind words will sure as h### not help, the will probably make me look even worse, but this is just my ideology, not a universal truth.
It's good that you question the motives of other people, and you should keep on doing it. It shows you think about stuff instead of swallowing it as such.
VastaaPoistaI am the kind of a guy who wants to share his ups and downs with other people, I guess that is why I write to my blog (among other reasons). Even though the forum is the Internet. I guess I'm also on average generally more relaxed about sharing info about myself on the Internet than some other Joe Doe, I don't really see any reason why not to do it.
I can't really interpret the last part of your last comment. Are you perhaps insinuating something? How can you actually know if my actions speak for my words?
Insinuating...no im calling it as i see it. A lot of talk and so few people who act according to their words. However I dont know whether you do something also but the odds are against you. And that wasnt even the point of the last paragraph. The point was that if I act towards something good there is no need to brag about it anymore. So why to talk about it at all? And since some people like to talk about their feelings and attitudes so widely, I am trying to find out why? I was hoping you could explain this, on your behalf? Again im seeking the motives that strive people do things...
VastaaPoistaI'm kinda loosing the idea of this dialogue.. I mean I don't think that I've bragged about anything. In general, if one does something good, he/she, in my opinion, is allowed to tell about it. Not in a bragging manner but just to tell what he/she is doing. It's the immaturity and insecurity of the receiver if it is considered as bragging.
VastaaPoistaI like to express myself by writing down my feelings and moods, that is how I acknowledge them better myself. I hope this suffices for a good enough reason.
Well once again my poor choice of words. Just tried to point out that if you are trying to educate people then i get it, but otherwise just opening up in internet doesnt make sense to me.
VastaaPoistaAnyway, you are right, this conversation is limping. I have tried to get to the point but most of the time people, this time you, get offended and stuck with words. And most of the time these words arent even the point, and what people should be trying to look for is the point. Well its all good. But i must say that it is hard to try to discuss when the other one is reading others comments like the devil is reading the bible.
Ill just summarize fast my point, it is my opinion.
I think that actions define us, and nowadays more and more people like to talk and think and talk and so on. So few really do the things they say. and at the end of the day if you do you dont need to say it anymore, since the actions can be seen. So it is obvious that people how just talk and the ones who talk and do must have something why they want to express these things...literally. And i have any times the feeling that it is the need to boost them selves or the need to make people understand they are good people and that they have good and recognized thoughts. Personally i despise this kind of thinking and talking.
Now i didnt say these are your motives but i was trying to find out what are? And was hoping to get good one. "I like to express myself by writing down my feelings and moods, that is how I acknowledge them better myself." if this is yours then so be it.
you said: "In general, if one does something good, he/she, in my opinion, is allowed to tell about it." And these kind of comments arent constructive nor are they worth mentioning. Thats common knowledge that doesnt give you edge. Only thing that i feel is the point in this sentence is : "i have a right write whatever i want, do you disagree?"
Thank you for your opinions.
VastaaPoista