Life is just a ride

Before you start to read, I want you to know this is for me probably one of the most important texts that I have ever written in my life so far. But hey, don't sweat it :).

You know, it just occurred to me. People always have said "let go of the control, live the moment". So what's new then eh?

"Oh, OK, that's easy, I could do that", I would say. Could I really? Or is the advice given above just some seemingly smart saying, which in the end is very vague in its meaning?

On the past weekend one could say I did experience - through contemplation, conversations, sexual experiences and by understanding distinctively how two living beings can feel their energies interwoven intensively in a kind of a meditative state (this state can e.g. be achieved with ti ööb) - a big dosage of spirituality. Consequently, this lead me to thinking various highly hard-to-grasp subjects (for me), which at some times seem as if they could explode my head, so complex things they are (and at the same time they are the simplest things in the world, some of you might understand ;) ). Here's one.

For example, what is typical for a person from western culture is that this person is always worried about the future, thinking of how it is supposed to be and what it should look like. I always say I wish I could be different. Kinda like the people, who can just spontaneously decide to do whatever whenever, however it might seem to be crazy in that situation, even if it meant something like losing a job or such. Just being able to really FEEL the moment, savour it, be so fully present in the flow of time that you could just...! It can be whatever: one might be just laying comfortably on one's own bed after a nice warm shower, with still little wet hair, bathing robe on..listening to calm music with a lovely red wine glass in your hand, maybe reading a book or just concentrating on the music, eyes closed, warm feeling, satisfied in this moment.

And now I ask. How many people are there, who have forgotten what it is to be able to feel this moment in its full intensity? How many are able to enjoy themselves by just themselves in this moment? OK, so what's the use of this ability? One might ask what are the downsides of this kind of activity. Being idealistic I would say there are no downsides, because it is a moment, which is fully meant for your own plesure, for understanding the beauty of the moment, the whole universe actually; what it's all about. What can be wrong about that? On a more practical level, there supposedly are some pitfalls to this paradigm, but I think that is ONLY IF you consider the way life is normally expected to be. The word "expected" here is the downfall, if you ask me. Ask yourself, how do you want your life to be then? And what do I mean by all of this? I leave it for everyone to figure it out by themselves. All I can say, e.g. meditation is good way of starting off. And getting to know yourself.

I know I'm not too good at savouring the moment. It all seems like my ego is always coming in between, distracting the connection between what is now present, and my true self, under the ego. I'm always thinking how it should be for this moment to be real, when's my next deadline etc, so I can't really concentrate. But I try to, I want to. Generally speaking, the life I would like to lead would include me being able to downright fully understand the motives behind my actions, and because of that, being able to concentrate on every single thing I do, smiling calmly, knowing there is nothing that can make me feel disoriented or bad. Being able to make choices that might be considered very radical or hazardous, when in fact they are just choices that make your life worth while. I would like to embrace and have fun with my friends, family, strangers with such a passion that would radiate all the positive energy outwards from me, letting my fellow human beings absorb and feel it, allowing them to feel the oneness of all that is living, instead of the common feeling of separateness, detachedness. In all these ways I could nonverbally tell everybody about the universal love that is in each and every one of us, the love we at some point may have lost, only to be (hopefully) refound, and which is the ultimate motivation for our actions. It's kinda like an endless circle. Your motive is love, so you radiate it. It infects people and is used by them again and again, further enhancing the effect. Which was quite nice. What and how you think, you attract into your life. Whether it is good or bad, you'll get it all.

What I most appreciate about kids is A) their ability to be totally immediate, uninhibited, kind of playful to do whatever the hell they want to do without some social norms telling them that that's not the way to go, and B) their ability to be immensely curious about everything. In these two aspects I think I have, so far in my life, succeeded better than in the "savour the moment" bit. What comes to A, for some reason or another, I always want to be a bit like an exception in the grey mass. I like to surprise, make people murmur in a slightly humorous way. Maybe make them think a thing they take for granted from a different perspective. To give alternative viewpoints, to make people get out of their comfort zones even just for a fraction of a second. Of course I always consider my doings according to the situation, I would never intentionally do something that really resulted in very negative emotions. And when I'm alone I guess I do some stuff which would never see the daylight, but nevertheless are my way of practicing of being uninhibited. Just hey jump in bed, run around in your living room :), man. Never lose that sense of playfulness. And curious ( B) ), that is like my middle name. I've always been curious, even to an extent that sometimes would make my life to be filled with too much stuff just because I wanted to know about it all, you know.. However, I feel that being curious about everything this universe has to offer is one of the most important things one can ever be. This way there is always some kind of a driving force behind it all that you are doing. Love and never-ending curiosity.

As one famous stand-up comedian once said: "Life is just a ride". For me, this is basically saying the same thing as "let go of the control, live the moment". The comedian then continued by eventually saying "you can choose between fear and love". If you reeeally think about it, that is where it really actually boils down into. Which one do you choose? I mean, when you really are able to feel another human being's allness, the energy, the passion, the warmness, the radiating love towards all that is in this world.. and no matter who this person might be, no matter where you are, when you once felt this connection - I mean the whole universe touching you with all its might, its compassion - there is no question what would be the thing to choose. It's love for sure. Feel it in everything.

Dam, I even impressed myself with this text, it's as if I'd been listening to the best parts of a song called "Divinity" by BT :), makes me feel as high. That song actually affects me in a way that I sometimes, when listening to it, start to flow, which is a mental state, in which one is totally immersed into what he/she is doing. For me it's as if I was doing a DJ-gig, on which both me and the audience were inhaling the energy of the music, the sweaty, pounding atmosphere and feeling the joy and energy of the people filling the dancefloor. That's another way for me to enter the flow state. I wish to find several more flow-causing situations, preferably in every situation that I can come up with.

For all you numerous pragmatists out there: I guess I'm trying to say I would like to have the strength and courageousness to pursue my dreams instead of running away from them. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment about all this stuff.. I feel I have so much to learn, so much to give.. but will I ever be able to break my chains?

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I love you.