Weaknesses re-discovered

On this year (also) I have met such amazing people. Everywhere, anytime and in so unconceivable contexts that it is...well, amazing! I have learnt and keep on learning so much from yous all that I can't really express in words the gratitude I feel for living especially in these times and with these people. The most precious and at the same time the most difficult thing I get from this is, apart from having wonderful and meaningful friendships, that in many occasions I have had to and have to still face and try to come to terms with the things I don't like about myself.

I want to extend an apology to persons, who, due to my weaknesses, feel I have abused them in some way. Yesterday I was in the shower, just standing there under the pouring water, thinking how I may have done some people wrong just because I thought it is the way to do things and that "certainly everyone agrees this is the way this or that thing is supposed to be done or be", but how in the fuck's name could I really know how the other person thinks?? I mean he/she could have totally different mindset related to this matter, he/she could never even begin to think the way I think, in the way which to me is totally self-evident. And apparently fucked up. To begin to think that I would even try to change that which is the most precious quality in each and everyone - the wonderful and authentic self and the way a person "is" - seems now like something I hope I never would have done, and definitely something I feel I need to improve upon. Sometimes changing the paradigm of life can be hard, but I feel my life would be much easier if I could be less demanding in some respects. It seems some things stick better than other things (unfortunately). In any other ways I feel my life is about as fun as it gets! And for this I again thank the amazing people but also my self!

I wish You a relaxing and a peaceful time around the new year's! I'ma spend it with my dear family, enjoying good company, relaxing and eating good food, among which I want to mention the organic chunk of pork I picked up today. Also the carrot and swedish turnip casseroles I'm going to do myself this year, of organic products, naturally :). What a hippie I have become! I'm lovin' it.

http://users.tkk.fi/~jjlehti2/ab/joulukortti.JPG

As a Christmas present for boys, I want to state that by being open, wacky, humorous and wonderful yourselves, you are able to melt hearts. Regardless of gender. Which actually brings me one more thing to wonder: how come men's approach to women is so fantastically and dreadfully different than women's approach to men? In general, it seems women are initially more interested in the mental side, whereas men are much more physical in terms of what is attractive. A curse and a blessing. Alas, how it fucks ups a lot of things :). Although, this might be a thing that is shifting into different direction, aka where men give more value to the mental side??